agonies last forever

I decide, for better or worse, what I am. I would prefer to have a fixed definition of what that world is as well, in both its constitution and its construction. I would like to have an idea of what both my place in it is and what my relationship to it is. Unfortunately, I am constantly forced to react and respond to its perpetual motion and changing dynamics in a strenuous effort to maintain my equilibrium and sense of orientation. This requires on my part a continuous process of reassessment, recalibration, reaction, and reorientation. The environment and circumstances of the Not-Me in which I exist are always changing, mutating and evolving. This point acknowledges an awareness of the third aspect – that of time.

We are sensitive to the fact that the relationship between Me and Not-Me is a succession of moments. Some are of a fleeting second, others drawn out over a considerably longer arc. We do not know how long these moments will last, and how long we perceive that as being is also entirely subjective; agonies last forever, ecstasies never long enough. The dynamics of the relationship might change profoundly and fundamentally, or in some minute aspect or nuance, and each and every development usually requires a conscious and deliberate change of orientation, opinion, or attitude on my part.

This does not have to be entirely unpleasant.



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